A struggle of the Human Soul!!!

People may try to bring me down and some might secede at times. Some people might spread imformation about me, that I know for a fact isn't true. It might hurt a lot and it might presuade a few people to believe the wrong things. I might cry, get angry, get sad, and be confused ( I might figure out the reasons and I might never figure out the reasons), either way it is betrail. Why does this happen? Well we will never really know. It could be because of jeliousy, or a way that person makes themself feel better if the attack is on you (I have never fully understood that) but either way it happens.
This train of thought stems from recent events in my life. I am a good person, and I give my all to a friendship everytime. I have respect for others and I always give the benifit of the doubt. anotherwords I where my heart on my sleve, but some people find it thrilling to take advantage of that side of me so I am forced to not trust anyone and be stuborn, selfish and so on. this is very unfortunate because people miss out on so much in life when they hurt others. This is a constant trial in my life. I have never understood why but I have to constantly learn how to forgive people.

Inspiration!!!

The hardest weekend of my life!

This past weekend was your funeral and was nearly impossible for my emotions. I found myself so sick to my stomach. I cried harder then I have ever cried in my life, random things would make me just sobb. It was hard to see you in that stupid box, it made me mad, sad and plain unhappy. I just kept saying to myself "This isn't right, This shouldn't be happening." We were supposed to grow old and grey together, we were suposed to have girls nights in the nursing home laughing about our childhood and the stupid things we all did. You were suposed to watch your kids grow up, get married and acomplish so many things in their lives. We were supposed to end this life together not one of us leave so young.
I'm relieved that your not in pain anymore, but my heart is sad that I can't hug you or talk to you or go through lifes experiences with you. Thank you Renae for this wonderful poem.

God saw you getting tired and a cure was not to be. So He put his arms around you and whispered "Come with Me." With tearful eyes I watched you, and saw you pass away. Although I loved you dearly, I could not make you stay. A golden heart stopped beating, hard working hands at rest. God broke my heart to prove to me he only takes the best. Put this on your status if there is someone in Heaven you miss every day. I love you Whitney Fuller Dow, and I always will. You will forever be in my heart.

There is a hole in my heart and a pain that I can't shake.

Whitney you are my best friend. We have been through a lot together for many years. When you told me you had colon cancer three years ago I knew this day would eventually come. No matter how hard I have tried to prepare myself I find this day that it was all a waste of time, because as the years have taught me you can never prepare emotions. I have cryed so much in the past 24 hrs sence I learned of your passing that the stress of it has created an ache in my body. This week is going to be really tough on all of us you have left behind, but even though I am extreemly sad, I am greatful that you are no longer in pain. You will always have a place in my heart and I will always love you. I am so extreemly greatful that I have had the pleasure of having you in my life. You have taught me to have strength, bravery, and to live my life as best as I can and to enjoy every moment. I will miss your beautiful smile, your infectious laugh, your tight comforting hugs and your words of encouragement. I will miss playing games with you, celebrating your birthday, and the fun girls nights. Life will never be the same without you in it. I pray you are at peace and I pray for the protection of your little family. Untill we meet again. I'll love you forever!!!

Life is an interesting place isn't it?

It seems to be that the older I get the less I understand life's choices and trials. Lately I have often found myself Stuck with this emptiness that I haven't felt in a lot of years. What are these feelings and why didn't I feel them when I was suppose to 13 yrs ago? I don't understand all of the reasons why I need to deal with this now instead of when my Dad passed, but I do know one thing is that I haven't ever been this close to my intuition in my life. It seems to be that I am more in tune with my emotions, and feelings. Everything seems so deep and meaningful. I think I'm finely coming out of my shell and everything just seems so real. I'm pretty sure it has something to do with me not wanting to live through everyone else. I need to make all decisions on my own and not care what everyone else thinks or says. I have a feeling this will be a constant struggle.

I bet you all thought I forgot this blog existed!!!

It seems like ages sence I wrote last on here. I have had a roller coaster life for the past year. Loseing hope, trying to stay aflot, figuring out life's purposes, making huge decisions, etc. I have come to terms with the fact that no matter what I do or how much I try to please everyone, there will always be someone in my life that doesn't agree or choses to be offended by the decisions I make and the roads in life that I chose. I have been so focused on what everyone thinks that I haven't been able to make the proper decisions in life. This is my own fault. I have worked really hard the past year to change this. I have had a really hard time with this because I thought it was being selfish, but it isn't I need to focus on my own life and my own decisions. I need to do what is best for me and if others don't like it I can't be effected, so here are some of the events that have happened the last few months.




I got a great nephew Russell Adam Williams in March. From my Neice and Nephew Chaney and Doran Williams. Isn't he adorable? I think so.

I found a great love for making cupcakes, it is so much fun, so I made some for my sister Virginia's Birthday in April.




My Nephew Marcus played the piano for Cargegie Hall in New York!!! This is Totally awesome. We were all so proud of him, this is a great acomplishment. Mom was so excited to fly there and see him play.
My Nephew Jerry graduated from High School and got Called to a mission in California. We are all so proud of him also, and excited for him. This is a huge acomplishement in his life.


We Celebrated my Mom's 70th Birthday this year. We had a party for her and my nephew Matthew who turned 9 at a park in Boise Idaho. It was a lot of fun.






I got a new great neice Lauran Abigail Cox. From my neice and nephew Kim and Michael Cox. She is so adorable and precious. I could have held her all day!! This is their second child.










And Last but not least I made a huge scary decision in my life to quit my job, leave everything and pick up and move to St George Utah. I need a change and I need to move things around in my life, so here I am moved in with my sister Bonnie, searching everyday for a job or two or three, and starting over. I'm hoping this is the last time I have to do this. I would really like to find that place where I can stay for a long time. Longer then a year or two. here are some pics of my travels on the road.

Music Fest 2010

Way too many people here today!!! Hot, muggy, crowded, sucky view, and completely crazy! The music was awesome however and I ended up having a good time!